Lent, waiting, spring, and a new theme song

So, some of you know that I had a pretty rough Lent this year. Actually, rough may not be quite the word to describe it. Just very eventful. Lent changed a lot of things that I thought I knew and turned them upside down, causing me again and again to admit that I actually don’t have control over nearly as much as I think I do. Over anything, really. Sometimes it’s hard to admit to God’s sovereignty, especially when we think we know how everything’s going to turn out. This Lent saw a re-diagnosis (someone else’s), a mission trip, the Jubilee conference, a total reversal of my summer plans (with which came complete uncertainty about housing and internship situations), and various other kinds of craziness that caused me to rethink a lot of things.

I couldn’t wait for Easter Sunday–with the kind of chaos I was going through during Lent, I was really excited to celebrate Resurrection Sunday and experience closure to the uncertainty, both circumstantial and emotional. Then Easter came. And went. And nothing really changed. I wasn’t sure what to do.

I know this isn’t unique to me, but I find my mood tied very closely to weather. The weather on Easter wasn’t horrible, but it got gross pretty fast. As some of you may have noticed, spring has been a little late coming this year. And that’s how my life has felt. The groundhog told me spring was going to come early, and spring just wasn’t coming. I’m still a little POed at the groundhog.

But spring did come (finally). And I’m finally starting to feel that the chaos from Lent is beginning to fall into some sort of order. Like I was telling my mom the other night, I can only see about a foot in front of me, but that’s really all I need. And, frankly, it’s more than I felt I could see before. And with the warm weather has come some emotions that are finally starting to look a little more like me–joyful, excited, and optimistic.

It’s hard when Easter doesn’t fall with true spring. They’re so closely tied, at least for me–death giving way to new life. It’s a tangible reminder of the reality of God’s restoration of His world. Yesterday was the day when all the trees spontaneously bloomed at the same time, encourage by the beautiful weather from the past week or so. It’s truly a sight to behold, all the flowers and tiny bright green leaves everywhere. Everything smells green, too.

With this change in season, both in the weather and in my life, has come a new theme song. Songs just seem to find me. It’s a pretty recent thing–at the end of high school, my theme song was “Love Song for a Savior” by Jars of Clay. Last year (until the past few days), it was “Unbreakable” by Fireflight. But one of the songs we sang at Cornerstone on Wednesday, “Beautiful Things” by Gungor, has been stuck in my head almost constantly since that night. You can listen to the song here. Here are the lyrics:

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

It’s a really beautiful song, no pun intended. But that’s how my life feels right now, both in terms of the music and the lyrics. The warm weather and the thunderstorms and the flowers and the new life have gotten me writing and smiling and singing again. It’s still up and down–I’ve been weirdly emotional, and this time of the semester is always tough with everything going on at the same time. But it’s a start.

I love the spring. It’s an amazing reminder that God loves beauty, and that God makes beautiful things out of what might look dead at first. Sometimes it’s a slow process, but it’s always working, even if we can’t see it. God makes beautiful things out of the dust, and God makes beautiful things out of us.

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